Sunday December 17, 1989
Sunday January 14, 1990
Sunday January 21, 1990
Sunday January 28, 1990
Sunday February 4, 1990
Sunday February 11, 1990
Sunday February 18, 1990
Sunday February 25, 1990
Sunday March 18, 1990
Sunday March 25, 1990
Sunday April 15, 1990
Sunday April 29, 1990
Sunday May 13, 1990
Thursday October 11, 1990
Thursday October 18, 1990
Wednesday October 24, 1990
Homer: Oh come on Marge, it's a fixer upper!
Homer: [turns on bug catcher]
Bug: [frying noise]
Homer: Ooooooh, that was a big mama!
Thursday November 1, 1990
Homer: Kids, get out of here, I don't want you to see this [kids
leave, Homer falls onto his knees in front of Marge] please, please, please,
please, please
Thursday November 8, 1990
Thursday November 15, 1990
Thursday November 22, 1990
Abe: Not with Homer - he always folded instantly over anything.
It was as if he had no will of his own. Isn't that right Homer?
Homer: Yes dadHomer: Operator, give me the number for 911!
Thursday December 6, 1990
Homer: Oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?
Homer: You think you've got guts, try raising my kids.
Thursday December 20, 1990
Thursday January 10, 1991
Thursday January 24, 1991
Thursday January 31, 1991
Thursday February 7, 1991
Comedian: Don't you hate it... when you go to the bathroom... and
there's no toilet paper!
Homer: [cracks up] It's funny 'cause it's true!Homer: How can one little insulated wire bring so much happiness?
Lisa: Dad, I think that's pretty spurious
Homer: Why, thank you honey
Thursday February 14, 1991
Thursday February 21, 1991
Bart: [miming] I think you stink
Lisa: [miming] You drive me crazy
Bart and Lisa: [giggle]
Homer: I thought I told you two to knock it off?
Lisa: We didn't say anything
Bart: Not one word
Homer: Yeah, well no pantomomime eitherHerb: Homer, you're the richest man I know
Homer: I feel the same about youHerb: Now answer me again with self-confidence
Homer: Sort of!!!
Thursday March 7, 1991
Homer: Oh come on honey, it's O.K. - we all loved that quilt but
you can't get too attached to [sees crumbs of his cookie]... My cookie!!! This
is not happening, this is not happening...
Thursday March 28, 1991
Thursday April 11, 1991
Thursday April 25, 1991
Thursday May 2, 1991
Thursday May 9, 1991
Sunday August 11, 1991
Thursday September 19, 1991
Thursday September 26, 1991
Thursday October 3, 1991
Thursday October 10, 1991
Homer: You know who the real crroks are - it's those sleazy
Hollywood producersMarge: Homer, say something!
Homer: How much are they paying you?
Bart: $20 a week!
Homer: Pfffff, I make more than that
Thursday October 17, 1991
Thursday October 24, 1991
Homer: Krusty, are you gonna finish that meatloaf, or what?
Thursday October 31, 1991
Thursday November 7, 1991
Thursday November 14, 1991
Thursday November 21, 1991
Thursday December 5, 1991
Homer: Marge it's not that - this job is my identity. If I'm not
a safety whatchmajigger, I'm nothing!Homer: Ooh, the land of chocolate
Homer: Well, they can't fire me!
Lenny: Gee, why not Homer?
Homer: [silent]
Thursday December 26, 1991
Thursday January 9, 1992
Homer: Hey, turn it down! I can't even hear myself think
Homer's Brain: I want some peanuts
Homer: That's betterHomer: There was a little Spanish flea, a record star he thought
he'd be, he heard the singers like Beatles, the Chipmunks he'd seen on T.V.,
why not a little Spanish flea?
Thursday January 23, 1992
Thursday February 6, 1992
Thursday February 13, 1992
Thursday February 20, 1992
Thursday February 27, 1992
Thursday March 12, 1992
Thursday March 26, 1992
Thursday April 9, 1992
Thursday April 23, 1992
Thursday May 7, 1992
Thursday August 27, 1992
Thursday September 24, 1992
Thursday October 1, 1992
Thursday October 8, 1992
Thursday October 15, 1992
Thursday October 29, 1992
Tuesday November 3, 1992
Thursday November 5, 1992
Thursday November 12, 1992
Thursday November 19, 1992
Thursday December 3, 1992
Thursday December 17, 1992
Thursday January 14, 1993
Thursday January 21, 1993
Thursday February 4, 1993
Thursday February 11, 1993
Thursday February 18, 1993
Thursday March 11, 1993
Thursday April 1, 1993
Thursday April 15, 1993
Thursday April 29, 1993
Thursday May 6, 1993
Thursday May 13, 1993
Thursday September 30, 1993
Thursday October 7, 1993
Thursday October 14, 1993
Thursday October 21, 1993
Thursday October 28, 1993
Thursday November 4, 1993
Thursday November 11, 1993
Thursday November 18, 1993
Thursday December 9, 1993
Thursday December 16, 1993
Thursday January 6, 1994
Thursday February 3, 1994
Thursday February 10, 1994
Thursday February 17, 1994
Thursday February 24, 1994
Thursday March 17, 1994
Thursday March 31, 1994
Thursday April 14, 1994
Thursday April 28, 1994
Thursday May 5, 1994
Thursday May 12, 1994
Thursday May 19, 1994
Sunday September 4, 1994
Sunday September 11, 1994
Sunday September 25, 1994
Sunday October 2, 1994
Sunday October 9, 1994
Sunday October 30, 1994
Sunday November 6, 1994
Homer: Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today...
[starts crying]
Marge: Oh, there there Homer, our little boy is growing up
Homer: No, it's not that Marge; didn't you hear? They have no bananas - they
have no bananas today [breaks down]Marge: What's the matter with Bart?
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses
Sunday November 13, 1994
Homer: Ah, the mysteries of life
Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us anything - and it
hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as foxy boxing,
hot oil wrestling, and such and suchTV Weatherman: We predict a 75% chance... of hillarity!
Homer: I like those odds!
Sunday November 27, 1994
Homer: I can't even say the word 'titmouse' without giggling like
a schoolgirl, he he heHomer: I haven't learned a thing
Homer: mmmmm gummi De Milo
Sunday December 4, 1994
Sunday December 18, 1994
Sunday January 8, 1995
Sunday January 22, 1995
Sunday February 5, 1995
Sunday February 12, 1995
Sunday February 19, 1995
Sunday February 26, 1995
Sunday March 5, 1995
Sunday March 19, 1995
Sunday April 9, 1995
Sunday April 16, 1995
Sunday April 30, 1995
Sunday May 7, 1995
Sunday May 14, 1995
Sunday May 21, 1995
Sunday September 17, 1995
Sunday September 24, 1995
Sunday October 1, 1995
Sunday October 8, 1995
Sunday October 15, 1995
Sunday October 29, 1995
Sunday November 5, 1995
Sunday November 19, 1995
Sunday November 26, 1995
Sunday December 3, 1995
Sunday December 17, 1995
Sunday January 7, 1996
Sunday January 14, 1996
Sunday February 4, 1996
Sunday February 11, 1996
Sunday February 18, 1996
Sunday February 25, 1996
Sunday March 17, 1996
Sunday March 24, 1996
Sunday March 31, 1996
Sunday April 14, 1996
Sunday April 28, 1996
Sunday May 5, 1996
Sunday May 19, 1996
Sunday May 19, 1996
Sunday October 27, 1996
Sunday November 3, 1996
Sunday November 10, 1996
Sunday November 17, 1996
Sunday November 24, 1996
Sunday December 1, 1996
Sunday December 15, 1996
Sunday December 29, 1996
Sunday January 5, 1997
Sunday January 12, 1997
Sunday January 19, 1997
Sunday February 2, 1997
Friday February 7, 1997
Sunday February 9, 1997
Sunday February 16, 1997
Sunday February 23, 1997
Sunday March 2, 1997
Sunday March 16, 1997
Sunday April 6, 1997
Sunday April 13, 1997
Sunday April 20, 1997
Sunday April 27, 1997
Sunday May 4, 1997
Sunday May 11, 1997
Sunday May 18, 1997
Sunday September 21, 1997
Sunday September 28, 1997
Sunday October 19, 1997
Sunday October 26, 1997
Sunday November 2, 1997
Sunday November 9, 1997
Sunday November 16, 1997
Sunday November 23, 1997
Sunday December 7, 1997
Sunday December 21, 1997
Sunday January 4, 1998
Sunday January 11, 1998
Sunday February 8, 1998
Cult member: Can I interest you in our free weekend session?
Homer: When is this weekend?
Cult member: It's this weekend
Homer: Oh, I see... and how much is this free weekend?
Cult member: Er... it's free
Homer: Uh huh, and when is this weekend?
Cult member: It's this weekend
Homer: And how much are you charging for this free weekend [gets dragged away by
Bart], it's free right?Homer: Homer no function beer well without
Homer: Outta my way, jerkass! [...] Oh, look, a bird!
Sunday February 15, 1998
Sunday February 22, 1998
Sunday March 1, 1998
Sunday March 8, 1998
Sunday March 22, 1998
Sunday March 29, 1998
Sunday April 5, 1998
Sunday April 19, 1998
Sunday April 26, 1998
Sunday May 3, 1998
Sunday May 10, 1998
Sunday May 17, 1998
Sunday August 23, 1998
Sunday September 20, 1998
Sunday September 27, 1998
Sunday October 25, 1998
Sunday November 8, 1998
Sunday November 15, 1998
Sunday November 22, 1998
Sunday December 6, 1998
Sunday December 20, 1998
Bodyguard Guy: As a bodyguard, your only loyalty is to your
protectee; not to your family, not to your country, not even to Muhammed
Homer: Even during Ramadan?
Bodyguard Guy: Shut your sass-hole, boy!Bodyguard: So who else are you going to find to take a bullet
for you, or have his genitals hooked up to a car battery?
Mayor Quimby: I'll tell you who - that guy [points to Homer]
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Marge: But Homey, I don't think you were listening
Homer: I said woo-hooHomer: And I asked for the double double, but they gave me the
double double double doubleHomer: Clear! The pig is in the poke
Marge: Homer, I don't care for that code-name...
Homer: Look out Marge, cat!
Marge: I know you're excited about your new job, but could you just calm down
a little?
[Bart and Lisa enter]
Homer: Hold it, what's your clearance?
Bart: We just want to get a snack
Homer: Access denied [uses a sleeper hold on them - they fall to the floor]
Marge: Homer, I've told you, I don't like you using your new sleeper hold on the
kids!
Homer: Pfffff, they'll be fine in half an hour
Marge: That's not the point. And another thing, I told you to take out the
garbage three days ago and you still haven't...
[Homer uses his sleeper hold on Marge]
Marge: Meeeeeeh [falls to the floor]
Homer: [looks at his watch] Aw... still 30 minutes 'till dinner. Oh well [uses
sleeper hold on himself, but hits the table on the way down] Ow!Homer: Crap on a crutch; they're milking rats! Milking rats!
Homer: Well, how was I to know it's not a real spaceship?
Mark Hamill: Homer, use the for...
Homer: The force?
Mark Hamill: The forks! Use the forks!
Homer: OhT.V. Guy: Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con: be there, and be square.
Bart: Yep, beats school
Homer: Yep, beats work
Sunday January 10, 1999
Sunday January 17, 1999
Sunday January 31, 1999
Sunday February 7, 1999
Sunday February 14, 1999
Sunday February 21, 1999
Sunday February 28, 1999
Sunday March 28, 1999
Sunday April 4, 1999
Sunday April 11, 1999
Sunday April 25, 1999
Sunday May 2, 1999
Sunday May 9, 1999
Sunday May 16, 1999
Sunday September 26, 1999
Sunday October 3, 1999
Sunday October 24, 1999
Sunday October 31, 1999
Sunday November 7, 1999
Sunday November 14, 1999
Sunday November 21, 1999
Sunday November 28, 1999
Sunday December 19, 1999
Sunday January 9, 2000
Sunday January 16, 2000
Sunday January 23, 2000
Sunday February 6, 2000
Sunday February 13, 2000
Sunday February 20, 2000
Sunday February 27, 2000
Sunday March 19, 2000
Sunday April 9, 2000
AA Lady: And we have sugar cookies and marshmellows
Homer: These sugar cookies you speak of... are they symbolic?
AA Lady: They're on that table, over there [points]
Homer: Aw... all the way over there? I don't want to walk all the way over
there... Anything that takes 12 steps isn't worth doing! Get it? Heh? Steps?
[cut to a scene of Homer waking up in some bushes rubbing his head]Homer: Hey, Apu, got any of those Kettle chips that give you
diareah? I need to do a little spring cleaningHomer: [Picks up payphone] Barney, the call is from heroism...
will you accept the charges?Homer: [Wearing a sports bra that he found in a dumpster] Hey,
Bart, look what I found!
Bart: Dad, that's a sports bra
Homer: Who cares? I'm finally getting the support I need
Sunday April 30, 2000
Sunday May 7, 2000
Sunday May 14, 2000
Sunday May 21, 2000
Wednesday November 1, 2000
Sunday November 5, 2000
Sunday November 12, 2000
Sunday November 19, 2000
Sunday November 26, 2000
Sunday December 3, 2000
Sunday December 10, 2000
Sunday December 17, 2000
Sunday January 7, 2001
Sunday January 14, 2001
Sunday February 4, 2001
Sunday February 11, 2001
Sunday February 18, 2001
Sunday February 25, 2001
Sunday March 4, 2001
Sunday March 11, 2001
Sunday April 1, 2001
Sunday April 29, 2001
Sunday May 6, 2001
Sunday May 13, 2001
Sunday May 20, 2001
Tuesday November 6, 2001
Sunday November 11, 2001
Sunday November 18, 2001
Sunday December 2, 2001
Sunday December 9, 2001
Sunday December 16, 2001
Sunday January 6, 2002
Sunday January 20, 2002
Sunday January 27, 2002
Sunday February 10, 2002
Sunday February 17, 2002
Sunday February 24, 2002
Sunday March 10, 2002
Sunday March 17, 2002
Sunday March 31, 2002
Sunday April 7, 2002
Sunday April 21, 2002
Sunday April 28, 2002
Sunday May 5, 2002
Sunday May 12, 2002
Sunday May 19, 2002
Wednesday May 22, 2002
Sunday November 3, 2002
Sunday November 10, 2002
Sunday November 17, 2002
Sunday November 24, 2002
Sunday December 1, 2002
Sunday December 15, 2002
Sunday January 5, 2003
Sunday January 12, 2003
Sunday February 2, 2003
Sunday February 9, 2003
Sunday February 16, 2003
Sunday February 16, 2003
Sunday March 2, 2003
Sunday March 9, 2003
Sunday March 16, 2003
Sunday March 30, 2003
Sunday April 13, 2003
Sunday April 27, 2003
Sunday May 4, 2003
Sunday May 11, 2003
Sunday May 18, 2003
Sunday May 18, 2003
Sunday November 2, 2003
Sunday November 9, 2003
Sunday November 16, 2003
Sunday November 23, 2003
Sunday November 30, 2003
Sunday December 7, 2003
Sunday December 14, 2003
Sunday January 4, 2004
Sunday January 11, 2004
Sunday January 25, 2004
Sunday February 8, 2004
Sunday February 15, 2004
Sunday February 22, 2004
Sunday March 14, 2004
Sunday March 21, 2004
Sunday March 28, 2004
Sunday April 18, 2004
Sunday April 25, 2004
Sunday May 2, 2004
Sunday May 9, 2004
Sunday May 16, 2004
Sunday May 23, 2004
Sunday November 7, 2004
Sunday November 14, 2004
Sunday November 21, 2004
Sunday December 5, 2004
Sunday December 12, 2004
Sunday January 16, 2005
Sunday January 30, 2005
Sunday February 6, 2005
Sunday February 13, 2005
Sunday February 20, 2005
Sunday March 6, 2005
Sunday March 13, 2005
Sunday March 20, 2005
Sunday April 3, 2005
Sunday April 17, 2005
Sunday May 1, 2005
Sunday May 1, 2005
Sunday May 8, 2005
Sunday May 8, 2005
Sunday May 15, 2005
Sunday May 15, 2005
Sunday September 11, 2005
Sunday September 18, 2005
Sunday September 25, 2005
Sunday November 6, 2005
Sunday November 13, 2005
Sunday November 20, 2005
Sunday November 27, 2005
Sunday December 11, 2005
Sunday December 18, 2005
Sunday January 8, 2006
Sunday January 29, 2006
Sunday February 26, 2006
Sunday March 12, 2006
Sunday March 19, 2006
Sunday March 26, 2006
Sunday April 2, 2006
Sunday April 9, 2006
Sunday April 23, 2006
Sunday April 30, 2006
Sunday May 7, 2006
Sunday May 14, 2006
Sunday May 21, 2006
Sunday September 10, 2006
Sunday September 17, 2006
Sunday September 24, 2006
Sunday November 5, 2006
Sunday November 12, 2006
Sunday November 19, 2006
Sunday November 26, 2006
Sunday December 10, 2006
Sunday December 17, 2006
Sunday January 7, 2007
Sunday January 28, 2007
Sunday February 11, 2007
Sunday February 18, 2007
Sunday March 4, 2007
Sunday March 11, 2007
Sunday March 25, 2007
Sunday April 22, 2007
Friday July 27, 2007
Sunday September 17, 1995